Ship's Log 09.09.2013
Ahoy Mateys! It be time fer me MONDAY MOOD SWING!
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Today's MOOD be.......FEAR
What am I afraid of? I guess that would all depend on the stage of life that I am in at the moment.
When I was a little child, I was afraid of dark places, spiders and anyone that I did not know.
When I was in High School, I was afraid of giving speeches in public. I also feared the unknown after graduation.
Once I became a young adult, more fears began to enter into my life. Would I be a good wife? A good mother? Will Jack's income be enough so that I can stay home and be with our children? Will I be able to homeschool our kids?
It was at this time in my life when I started to read the Bible more and more. And since I wasn't really understanding most of it, fear was still there. It wouldn't be until years later that I would actually understand God's Word and be able to draw upon His promises.
Today, I am a wife, mother, grandmother and soon to be great-grandmother. And what do I fear now? I am always fearful when I know that my children are driving. Even if I believed they were the best drivers on the road, I know that there are other drivers out there that are not. Accidents happen all the time and I admit that I am afraid for them, especially here in Shasta County. The drivers are crazy here!
And even though I believe that my children are excellent parents, I always fear for the safety of my grandchildren. This is something that I have been in serious prayer with God over a lot. It is getting better, though. God is helping me to trust Him to keep an eye on my grandchildren at all times. Again, it's not that I do not trust my children to take care of their children, it's just something that I have always struggled with.
I do not fear death, because I know that I will be with the Lord when my time is done here.
I think the biggest fear that I have right now, is the fear of my husband passing away before I do. If I should die first, I know that it would take some time for him to grieve, but after awhile, he would continue to work and be just fine. But, if Jack should die before me, I have no idea what I would do. Even if I was able to get his Social Security, it would not be enough to live off of. Because of my age, health issues and lack of experience, I can't see myself getting a job. I would have to think about living with one of my children. Not my son, he has a new family and is already living with in-laws....My daughters? Well, because of my 2 dogs, I cannot live with one daughter (son-in-law hates my dogs, plus other issues) and if I lived with my other daughter, I would have to move far away from my grandchildren.
I know that these fears come from Satan and that I need to put it all into God's hands. But, it is truly hard NOT to think about it.
And yes, deep down inside, I know that if Jack should die first, that I would be fine.....yet that fear still lingers.
So, there you have it. I spilled my guts out to you and shared my fears. Are you brave enough to share at least one of your fears?
Have a blessed week. God bless.
